The Seasons of Anxiety

How anxiety ebbs and flows, how we ebb and flow, and how God doesn't

In 2018, about a month before Covid hit, I published my first independent book: Struck Down but Not Destroyed: Living Faithfully with Anxiety. The book has sold over 5,000 copies (not bad for an independently published title), and it’s been translated into Portuguese and Mandarin. It has led to multiple articles, podcast interviews, and passionate conversations. I loved writing it and talking about the content with others, but eventually I moved on to other writing projects.

And there was a part of my personality that wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. “Ah! Lord, thank you. I’m done with the anxiety-heavy phase of life.” I knew that was not true, but our hearts easily replace reality with dreams of false contentment.

Anxiety came back—when I was about to take a trip, or give a presentation, or when I drank too much coffee and stopped exercising. And then I would pivot, adjust, re-prioritize. And it would leave.

And then it would come back. Why? On one hand, I know I am a very stubborn learner. I fight with the wind when it sends me somewhere. I memorize the “good lessons” I’ve learned, but I choose the poorer option anyway. I swear off idolatrous pursuits . . . until they become very attractive. I’m an inconsistent human being. It’s not just that anxiety ebbs and flows (though it does); it’s that I ebb and flow.

I’m an inconsistent human being. It’s not just that anxiety ebbs and flows; it’s that I ebb and flow.

On the other hand, life is never static. We battle anxiety for today without having a clue what tomorrow will leave on the doormat. God gives us tools through his word to keep our feet on the path, but he does not give us tomorrow today.

We love to think we are seasonal souls. With deal with anxiety, with grief, with trauma. And then we say, “Well, I’m so glad that’s over with. Now I can get on with life.” But that was life. And that will be life. We don’t just put seasons behind us. Similar seasons that will require the same maturity, humility, faith, and healing are on the horizon.

Some of us hate that reality. I hate that reality. I want my life to be linear. Trouble > learn > grow. Trouble > learn > grow. Always moving forward. The reality is that life goes in loops. We face trouble so that, by grace and truth, we can learn and grow, so that we can face more trouble so that, by grace and truth, we can learn and grow, so that we can face more trouble . . .

We want to live in lines, but we stagger through circles. That can feel deeply discouraging at times. Where do we look for courage, for relief, for hope? The changeless God. “All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies” (Ps. 25:10). His paths, how we works in the world and in our messy lives, are always steadfastly loving and forever faithful. Always. Through every circle of struggle, he loves, and he remains who he revealed himself to be.

Divine love and faithfulness—there is something beautifully the same in every season. Part of the purpose of our struggles is teaching us to see that again and again.

In the future, I’m planning to write another book on anxiety. Please pray for that. In the meantime, pray for the vision to see God’s love and faithfulness. And I will pray the same for you.